“Just because I’m single doesn’t mean I sleep alone … I share the other half of the bed with the pile of laundry I’m too lazy to put away.”
“I was asked what I look for in a relationship … Apparently “a way out” wasn’t the right answer.”
“Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask why you’re still married.”
“The best thing about being a single woman is you can sleep around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours. Left. Right. Middle.”
“99% of my socks are single and you don’t see them crying about it.”
“What a queen without her king? Well, historically speaking, more powerful.”
“My boyfriend is so handsome, looking all invisible and sh–.”
“I’m single because I don’t need anybody to ruin my life. I’m ruining it perfectly on my own.”
“Somebody left a grocery list in this cart that said … cheese and sh*t like that. So my soul mate is out there.”
“Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.”
